I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
