She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
