True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How does one acquire holy water?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
