quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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