Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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