i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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