After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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