shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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