he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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