....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
