No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize