Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
