i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize