Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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