yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
