i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
