you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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