I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
