i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
