There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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