Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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