I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize