I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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