two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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