What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
