Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
