There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
