the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize