If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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