Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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