I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
