she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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