you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
