Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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