hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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