were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
