plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
