So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
