We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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