Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
