We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize