a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize