I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
