It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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