Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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