i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
