she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
