Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize