Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
