the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
