We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
