I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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