pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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