kristin has been a bad kristin
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Randomize
