Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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