I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
