good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
