The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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