he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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