So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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