listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
