i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize