Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
