I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
