wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
