my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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