im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
