Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
