I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
