The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
too bad you live with your parents still
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
