You really coming over, don't trick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize