I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
