Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
