i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize