She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I believe in your delicious
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
