i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
