the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
