The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize