It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
