Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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