dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
