Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
