Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
