She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize