lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just pee around me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
