Im at strip club and am horny
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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