Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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