Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's get the cat blown out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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