i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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