I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
