I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drake has all the answers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize