some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
