I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
