you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize