well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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