my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize