btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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