I puked a lego.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
