nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
