We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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